I Used to Make Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookies

20150516_17583320150516_180912

I really did – when I was younger – make perfect chocolate chip cookies. Now they just turn out flat. Oh, they’re still absolutely delicious, don’t get me wrong. No one who eats them complains at all. And my homemade one bowl brownies are to die for too. I’m a pretty good cook, especially of sweet treats.

So, I don’t know why I can’t replicate the perfection of the ccc (let’s just shorten chocochip cookies). Maybe I don’t care how they look. Maybe I don’t care how I look in the face of presenting sub par looking treats. I think perhaps I’m just old enough to know NOT to care.

Raising kids is extremely challenging and there are so many factors that cannot be controlled, especially as they grow up and become people YOU can’t control. At some point I think I realized I wasn’t a perfect Mom and was not raising perfect children. I was a human being doing the best I could raising other human beings who will do the best they can in this world. I can’t protect them anymore. I can’t make a perfect world for them anymore. I had to let one kid go way too early and now my other is wanting me to let go too. Well, this is the “letting go” part of my life so I suppose, no matter how sad this may make me, I must accept it and move on.

I mean, the ccc are still delightful – they just look ummmm old and sunken in. Well, I’m not there yet – old and sunken in – but I am trying to let go of those ideas I had when I was younger. Thoughts of perfection, strong convictions of all those things I would NEVER DO have turned into knowing there is no such thing as perfect anything and when you say “I would never do that” life has a way of proving you wrong.

Here’s to a soft, gooey, ccc and a straight up square of homemade brownies.

Advertisements

002

It’ll be two years on the 9th, Saturday, since I became a Motherless Daughter. It’s been an journey – good, bad, and ugly.  It’s been eye opening, which is saying a lot coming from one who prides myself on “keeping it real”. I’ve gone inside myself and am now just starting to emerge into the next phase of life. I’ve left many people behind and closed them out. Now I finally feel ready to move forward and open myself to others again. There’s seems to be more room as the Spring has warmed  the air and the sun is finally taking over.  And I’ve learned yet another lesson from the Universe on empathy and kindness towards others. I’ve had much grace shown to me.

A dear friend posted this meme on my Facebook page the other day and it got me thinking…

Take a lesson from your dog, no matter what life brings you,

kick some grass over that shit and move on.

We all have to move on – through whatever it is we experience on our journey. I look at my four aging animals. One cat is 88 years old in people years and she sometimes pees on things. One of the dogs is 78 in people years and he is having some issues too. Sure I get annoyed. Then I clean it up, spray it, put the fan on to dry.  I tell them both that it’s ok, hoping that when I’m that old and have “issues” I’ll be accepted too.

This must be the next phase of life. Accepting where you’re headed, accepting who you are and creating an place to be happy with those you choose to make the journey with.

HAPPY SPRING!!